Edit and Delete ...

I made a conscious decision at the onset of this whole blogging thing, that it would not be about the nightlife or the seedier side of Thailand’s reputation, or mine. There were some very practical reasons in my mind at the time, even though it would have been quite easy to titillate my readers with stories of my twenty some years of lecherous, debauchery. Don’t get me wrong. I would not change any of it, for I would not be who I am today, if not for all that went before. It is one of those oddities of life that the darker the environs one inhabits, the more light it sheds on the human condition. There are few other places where I could have learned as much. I do find it unseemly for a man of my age to be recanting the sexploits of a long past era, however. I passed that baton to the next generation some ten years ago.

Yet, this blog entry started a few days ago, did digress. At some point I let my guard down and started talking about things I had said I wouldn’t. I did find the delete key, eventually, but it took awhile. I tried to blame it on a younger friend of mine, who has recently engaged me in some friendly email banter. Being recently set free from a multi year relationship, he is making up for lost time, one might say. He enjoys tormenting me by recanting, with vivid imagery, his conquests and is quick to use my infamous past against me when I plead for mercy. After all he exclaims, he is simple following in my footsteps and I should be proud to have such a devout and dedicated disciple. He is a good friend in every other way, even though no longer part of our favorite couple. We do remain close with both, as it should be. Things are definitely not the same, however, and it should be interesting to watch our relationships transform.

Upon restarting this entry I took a look at what I had written and tried to look at it through your eyes. Though I had been honest and somewhat discrete, I still came off as more of a pompous ass than normal and definitely a braggart. That is when the delete key started looming large in the upper right hand corner. I not only stopped living that life, I stopped visiting those places or reading anything regarding the subject a very long time ago. I actually seem to have developed an aversion to the whole scene, something like I imagine an ex-smoker or recovering alcoholic, might have for their past vices.

With so many eager writers out there discussing and reporting on what goes on, I don’t imagine one less contributor will be missed. Again, I am not telling anyone else what they should or should not be doing with their lives. Besides being a waist of time, I don’t often fall into the group that looks at others and says they could do so much better. I am more apt to believe that, what they are doing or who they are with, is in a very real sense “the best they can do.”

Theoretically we could all do better but in reality we have limitations, both personal and environmental, which are extremely difficult to overcome. That is assuming we are even aware of such things. If one is stuck on the bottom rung or two of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs then, rightly so, all this nonsense that I go on about must seem very tedious. When all those other needs are satisfied, however, one has to ask what is left to do? Greedily chase more of the same, or ponder some larger question of ...?