I feel like writing today, but ...

I feel as though I want to write today. But what to write about? Perhaps if I sit myself here, before my mistress, the muse will possess me and words will flow forth to fill the page? That does seem unlikely though, doesn’t it? The beauty of the day is enticing as well. But last evening’s outing to the dam with my canine comrades, found the way muddy and slippery in places, leaving me reluctant to venture far afield today.

The floods have subsided and the storm that killed many in Burma never really made it this far. The views from the house have been remarkable of late. While last year at this time, one couldn’t even make out the mountains on the horizon, recently individual trees clearly adorn the slopes. Remarkable cloud formations beckon one to laze away the day, imagining faces and objects in the ever changing shape-shifters of the sky.

Daily, I make a conscious effort to take in the beauty of my 360 degree horizon. I do not wish for it to fade from my perception, as thing are wont to do, so I enlist the same techniques I use to heighten and maintain my ardor for my wife. Our minds are remarkably pliable and those seemingly uncontrollable neuro-pathways can be selectively reenforced to serve us rather than enslave us. I believe I am, so I am, as it were.

I have gone from a city dweller, unaware of anything but light and temperature, and able to control them with the flick of a switch. To a more natural being, watching the sky, feeling the breeze, smelling the air, for signs of what nature has in store for this day. There is much more “now” in my life than before but prudence remains and “what ifs” continue to take up space in my brain.

I smile at my chagrin when recounting discussions with a my cousin, who lives in a small Wyoming town. I recounted the virtues of living in the big city and holidaying in the wilds. She was equally eloquent, espousing benefits of living in a small town surrounded by nature and family, and only occasionally venturing to the city for a change of pace or shopping.

Well, that was then and this is now. I had a good life in the city and have no real regrets. Life here is good as well, and seems better suited to my present status. So one might say that I have come around to my cousin’s way of thinking and living. I would love a chance to visit again and discuss such things. As it is, the only thing we share other than birthdays a mere five days apart, are stories of our mothers who are suffering the same debilitating disease.

I suppose the writing is on the wall for me and my brother if there is truly a genetic factor involved. If it ever comes to that, I can’t help but feel this is the perfect place for me to be. I can easily imagine wandering off, to be found by a neighbor, and returned home in the back of their e-tan farmer truck. More often than not we are the ones having a profound effect on nature, but I have found that given a chance, nature can have a profound effect on us.

I don’t believe it. Once again I find myself at the end of the page, not knowing quite how I got here.