Finding Balance ... Thoughts on Life

It struck me this morning, how the trails were once lush, wet and muddy.  Now the dust is like talcum and even the light steps of a dog leave lingering clouds.  There are areas where the silence is broken by the shattering of leaves.  The once lush green foliage, lies lifeless on the ground, to cry out one last time as it crushes under foot.  My wife and I follow, as best we can, our four legged companions to the dam.  Including Momo, who has now made a full recovery from his, date with death, after tasting the poison fruit of our neighbors.  Again he has tempted fate and come out on top.  Somehow, I don’t see him living to a ripe old age, however.

Funny how something far off and distant, can reach us through the ether and send our thoughts cascading from one thing to another.  An email from a nephew perchance, detailing a summer working in Glacier National Park or wintering as a lift operator at a ski resort and the possibility of working on a ship in Sitka that does nature tours.  For us, Glacier brings back fond memories of the beauty and grandeur. 

Alaska still lingers as a possibility, though far off in the distant future.  Our dream of spending a winter in a small mountain resort has surely passed us by.  It seems somehow disconcerting, that I might complete the cycle of my life without ever experiencing one complete cycle of Mother Natures wondrous seasons.  Living in the tropics or big city seems to negate weather cycles as temperature is controlled by a switch on the wall.

On occasion I find myself dreaming of far off places as I did in my youth, forgetting the plodding advance of the years.  Awakening to an awareness of the constrains and limitations that always exists in life, but loom larger as we age.  Every step we take eliminates a multitude of other steps that we could have taken.  They say you can never step into the same point on a river as it rushes resolutely to the ocean.  Life seldom gives us second chances but it continually give us new chances.  The prospect of breaking from the old and trying something new, can be both daunting and exhilarating. 

My move to the village was a monumental break from my past.  We have created a blissful paradise that at times seems almost too good.  We have encased ourselves in a gilded cage that shelters us from the realities that many endure.  From a life unencumbered, I find myself immersed in a life of material and natural indulgence.  The house, the toys, the dogs, the loving wife.  When one wants for nothing, a malaise often settles in.  Something about the nature of man that calls out for challenge and unfortunately even conflict at times. 

I now feel an overwhelming responsibility to my wife, dogs and possessions that while I do not regret, does no less limit my freedom.  We can no longer spend half the year in far off places and I must make do with day-trips on the mountain bike or motorbike.  I know I made the correct choice moving here, yet the mind and spirit does at times yearn to break the bonds of domesticity and sore free and unencumbered. 

Finding a balance in life sometimes reminds me of my youth spent balancing on a surfboard.  A moving object on a turbulent surface, where forward momentum is needed to maintain friction and remain poised and upright, with some semblance of control.  Organized chaos that must remain in motion or all will sink into the murky morass.