TO NOT DO LIST: eight things that I will not do when I grow old

Pancake and Paneer butter masala is not a good combination, right?
Tie and Slippers? Not good again.
What about veshti* and Nike? Ditto. Right?
But why is it then I see so many old people in that attire in the park?
It looks like old people stop caring about how they dress as they age. In fact I have been observing old people carefully for the past one week and they care a lot less about lot of things. But, it doesn't seem to be making them any happier. Maybe, that's because they have very different kinds of worries from you and me like how to get up from the bed or how to lift the leg and take that next step in the park.

Anyway, I know that I will grow old too and I will stop caring about what I wear and what I talk. But I do not want some crazy blogger to make fun of me when I am old. So I decided that I will make a To Not Do list for myself. A list of things that I will not do when I grow old made before I decay and stop caring about others opinions.

1)I will not ogle at twenty something girls and then call them betis.
2)I will not fart. Well, if it is biologically inevitable at old age then I will not make a lot of noise in public.
3)I will not develop this more knowledgeable than thou attitude just because I have spent more days than people around me.
4)I will not, I repeat, I will not set foot on the inter galactic ship to M263 or any other planet just because my son who has gone on work permit there invites me to come over for sight seeing.
5)I will not baby sit my grandchildren. I know I am guilty of using my parent's service. But somebody has to stop this. So let me be the beneficiary and not my son.
6)I will not make a fool of myself by trying to retrofit whatever they may or may not find three decades hence. You might have heard an old man saying "It is all there in Vedas, beta. Theory of relativity, Quantum physics. They even have predicted when Big Bang occurred." I will not be that old man.
7)I will never start a conversation with "In our time and all..."
8)I will never say to the younger generation "you people are having stress from constantly looking at computer (or whatever shit that people work on three decades hence)."
* vetti, dhoti, sarong - you get what it is, right?