Saturday is here again

Every Saturday morning, every wife in every household hands out her husband tea (or coffee) and asks "what's the program?" Just like the way every Friday night, every man in every household had asked after switching off the T.V . But unlike the wives who can be snoring or having headache or just tired from the whole day's work when men popped the question, men don't have many alternatives because, let's face it, they just had a whole night of good ...sleep.

So men freeze, unable to think of an answer and the crude-oil goes up five cents in anticipation of the demand and the exporters in mid-east go ballistic shouting, "Inshah allah, it is another Saturday morning in Bangalore!" But the earth is rotating and Allah has something terrible in store for them. In four hours, they are going to be served tea (or coffee). And there is not going to be one but three cups and wives to answer to.

Meanwhile in Bangalore, man's mind weighs all alternatives like Deep Blue and comes out with a move outlined below. (For chess aficionados, I have given the possible alternate moves and the outcomes in the same terse way they see in their favorite news paper  - in the half inch space between the seventh division cricket news and the half page advertisement.)

(Man to play and lose. In three moves)
Woman: so, what's the program?
Man : You tell me. (?!. The alternative is worse 1. I don't' know??? , I have a plan+ Ch !!!! 2. Yeah??? , Yeah+ Ch mate!!! )
Woman: I was cleaning the kitchen!!! (Better than the alternative - 1. ...., I want to buy a jeans 2. You have so many already!!+Ch, But they are tight??, Maybe, you should use the treadmill we bought last month!!+Ch mate)
Man : Yeah.. (Man has been set up by the brilliant kitchen move and is not seeing it yet)
Woman: We need to buy a dozen new plastic containers to put salt, sugar... !!!
Man: Why? Is salt complaining about the old jar ?? (Bad move. But the alternative isn't good either - 1. Let's go buy the containers , On the way let's stop at that Saree shop too!! . Man eventually loses)
Woman: Do you want to come with me for shopping or not !!!+ Ch mate (Man has lost already.)


I had continued the conversation with "Not particularly" variation eventually losing in three more moves. As I am typing this blog my wife has gone shopping. I look around the house with a wistful hope. There is not much damage to be done. We already have the costliest clothesline bought in Stay-fit fitness equipments. We had bought HD ready LCD TV at six times the current price and have been waiting for four years to see three HD Abhishek bachchans sell us a sim card. (Thankfully, it is yet to happen. HD, I mean.) We already have a surround system with that sub woofer speaker which has a big hole (designed no doubt for some stupid acoustic reason) where my kid hides his carrots and peas.

But the noise of the shopkeepers at the mall, "Yippee! It's Saturday again!" is disturbing my thoughts. And in the distance I can hear the CEO of LG television exclaiming to his managers, "Why do we need 3D content to sell our 3D TV? Aren't weekends enough?"