MahaBharat : Amba, Ambika and Ambalika

Those days the bows were made of wood and were very heavy and one needed lot of kundalini shakti to handle them well. So Bhishma's Brahmacharya really helped him becoming an archer par excellence. But he was on the edge all the time. He was seething like a dam waiting to burst... metaphorically.

When Bhishma heard Shantanu and satyavati had their first baby, Chitrangada, he called all the manufacturers of dart boards to come to the palace with their goods. An hour of frenzied target practice later, Hastinapur had no dart boards and.. dart board manufacturers for a generation. When Vichitrvirya, the second kid was born Bhishma's rage necessitated Save-The-Tiger campaign by the Pigeon Inc. - the largest telecommunications company.



But as time went by Bhishma became more mellowed. Sure, Shantanu's demise and Chitrangada's violent death in a war helped the cause. But it was by and large Bhishma's effort in turning his archery skills on more inanimate things like balloons in circus target practice games that did the trick. The people who conducted the balloon games went bankrupt. But their business was not a big pie in the Hastinapur GDP.So no one cared.

Vichitravirya came of age and when the question of marriage was raised, he said, "King of kasi has three daughters and is planning to conduct a swayamvar."
"You are gunning for three wives! You Dog! You..." Bhishma went into a speech powered by expletives and driven by testosterone.
Satyavati who knew Bhishma's ways waited patiently till he brought his emotions under check and then asked whether he would go to Kasi and secure the brides for his brother. Bhishma was puzzled at this strange request and refused at first.

"I just thought that a Kingdom so powerful as Kasi might have a very difficult swayamwar competition. Shooting a revolving mosquito are something like that.." Satyavati baited.
Bhishma fell for it bow, string and arrow.

But kasi was not just a powerful kingdom but a fashionable one too. Women's liberation was in vogue that season and king decided, "I am tired of catching mosquitoes. What the hll! I will just let the girls choose whoever they like."
However Bhishma would have none of this. He took all the three daughters by force and challenged the assembled suitors to stop him if they wanted the princess for themselves.

So all the kings who had come to participate in the swayamar mounted their horses and chased Bhishma. They were like hundreds of kings and Bhishma was alone.

"If you are real men and are born to your mother, you fight me one on one." Bhishma challenged the kings.
"Get real." The kings shouted back and pounced on Bhishma in unison. The battle was so spectacular that we are compelled to let Vyasa describe it in his own words.

The kings rained arrows on him like masses of clouds showering on the mountain-breast.
-Ved Vyas

Bhishma was a great archer. But he was also middle-aged and out of shape due to festive season. So the reference to man breasts in the analogy, we think.

Anyway, Bhishma defeated the kings and brought back the daughters to Hastinapur. The arrangements for the wedding were in full swing when the eldest of the daughter, Amba said that she is pregnant because of a fling she had with another king called Salva. Vichitravirya did the honourable thing of sending her to Salva.

But there was a surprise waiting for Amba in Salva's palace.
"Are you kidding me? We just kissed." Salva was indignant.
"Yes, we danced in rain and kissed and I have become mother of your..."
"Get real. Will ya! Stop watching Bollywood movies. Here take this Blu-ray movie and get out of my eye sight."

So Amba came back to Hastinapur.
"Well, it turns out that to get pregnant... and you can see it yourself in this Blu-ray movie."
"Oh! Give that to me. It's mine. I called it first!." Bhishma snatched the disc from Amba.
"Basically we just kissed, danced and nothing more. So I am ready to marry you." Amba finished with a relief.
"You kissed and danced! If he had taken advantage of your innocence I would have married you. But this is huge. I can't marry you now!" Vichitravirya protested.

"You are the reason behind all this. So you have got to marry me." Amba turned to Bhishma.
"I wish I could. I really do. Oh..Oh! you have no idea how much I.." Bhishma strived hard to control his emotions.
"He can't. Because he has taken a vow." Satyavati butted in.
Amba tried reasoning, cajoling and pleading with Bhishma in vain. Finally the fury of a woman scorned came to the fore.
"Bhishma! It is because of you I find myself in this position. I will not rest till the day I kill you and take revenge." Amba swore
and left the palace.


"Oh dear! This is not good for Big B dynasty." Satyavati said alarmed.
"Do not worry. The bows are heavy and women don't have enough kundalini to lift it even." Bhishma said matter-of-factly.

But little did he know that the era of sex change operation and light weight Graphite bows were around the corner.