MahaBharat : Shantanu Teri Ganga Baby killer

After ruling for score squared sans seven years, King Pritam said, "That's freaking long time not seeing a DPL match. I better go and do some penance."

So he went to the source of Ganga (The river) and started his penance. Then Ganga (The Goddess) appeared from Ganga (R) and was taken in by this man of great virtue and prowess. (This is basically vedic way of saying that he was hot, really hot!)

"Oh, You the bull of men! King of great virtue and prowess. Will you take me?" Ganga(G) asked in vedic tongue. (In modern speak it is roughly, "Hey hottie! Are you free tonight!")



"I shall! But first please sit on the lap on left side." The king said.
Ganga obliged promptly.
"Dear Oh, Dear! What have you done?" The king moaned sadly.
"You meant your left side. Not my left side. Didn't you?"
"Yeah!" The king said gravely.

"So, that makes me your..."
"Daughter or daughter in law. Wife, left lap. Daughter, right lap. What did they teach you in school? Or did you go to that new fangled montisorry school?"
"But I fell for your bod.... prowess, prowess. Not for your son's." Ganga pleaded.
"Don't worry! Every male in our family is virtue personified. We are the family of B."
"Yeah! you are the Bachchans and I am Aishwarya Rai."
"No! We are the Bharath dynasty. And you are Ganga.But who are they?"
"Never mind. I will marry your son. Is he good looking?"
"We will know when he is born."
"What?"
"Yeah! I have got to marry first."
"See ya"
"Wait. Trust me. I solemnly pledge that I will take you as my daughter in law."
"Whatever! But remember. I am doing it for thee. Well, thy bod.... prowess,prowess. But I have a condition. Thy son shall not stop me from doing what I please when I marry him."
"So shall it be. Oh! the stupid one."
"Hey! How did you know my nick name?"
"Lucky guess, I think! Now off you go. I need to do penance to beget a son."
"Is that how they do it nowadays?"
"Off you go, I said." The king thundered. And Ganga (G) went back into Ganga (R).

So the Pritam did do penance and begot a son. (yeah, we are surprised too
!) The nameless king who had earlier been cursed to be born on earth by Brahma was the son. And for a change, he was given a name in this birth, Shantanu.

And when Shantanu became old, Pritam debriefed Shantanu of his promise to Ganga(G).
On one fine day, Ganga(G) appeared before Shantanu and asked him to take her. Shantanu promptly obliged. But they didn't happily live ever after.

Every time Ganga(G) gave birth to a kid, she drowned it in Ganga(R). Yeah! that's how sore she was with ashta vasu for cheating her. But it worked well for ashta vasus because they didn't want to live anyway.

Shantanu really felt bad about this whole drowning as we can see from the commemorative stones that he erected for each dead kid on the banks of Ganga(R).

Here drowned my first son when he accidentally fell from the boat in which his mother was enjoying a pleasure ride. Had he lived, he would have been the bull of the kings for I have not heard of any thirty days old baby crawling to the edge of boat and jumping over it. For sure, he belonged to Big B dynasty.

Here went down my second son, another bull of Bharat dynasty. Another pleasure ride of his mother has turned into tragedy.

Third here.

Fourth. Here... or there?

Fifth, I guess. Wait. it is the sixth! Holy shit. What kind of woman takes a pleasure ride just after a month of delivering a kid.

Place marker for the fifth kid.

Seventh kid. I have come to a realization about this business which this stone is too small to hold.


However displeased Shantanu was, he couldn't interfere with Ganga's ways because of his promise to her. (Between you and me, we think she was too good in bed or he was just an hen pecked husband who was using the promise as an excuse.)

By the time the eighth kid came around Ganga's charm had lost its power. (No surprises there. The shelf life of wife was usually three kids during the vedic time.)

So Shantanu told Ganga, "Honey! If I see you drowning this kid, I will be really perturbed."
"Perturbed!!! You are so mean. Since you are interfering in my ways, I am leaving you this moment." Ganga said.
"Jolly good. I will find another bride."
"Who cares! Take it. Here is your kid."
"No! You keep it. But just don't drown it."

So a bitter court case ensued where each tried to prove that the kid would be better off with the other one. The court after duly noting that Ganga had drowned the previous seven kids also took the circumstances that mitigated the severity of her act , namely post delivery stress, and ruled in favour of Ganga (or Shantanu).

As per the court order, Ganga(G) raised the kid till he was sixteen. On his sixteenth birthday Ganga(G) dumped him at Shantanu's palace and walked into Ganga(R) for one last time.

Thus the bloodiest double action in the history of India came to an end.
Oh, BTW, the kid is Bhishma, the eighth ashta vasu.




From Mahabharat