MahaBharat - Deus Ex Maxhina Part II

Bhishma's life operated on a fixed timetable - if it is not vow time or bow time then it was shrink time. It was with constant support from his psychiatrist that Bhishma had grown from an insecure, emotionally scarred adolescent boy to an angry young man. No wonder then Bhishma went straight to his psychiatrist from vichitravirya's death bed.


'I thought you wouldn't mind becoming the king.' Psychiatrist asked once the session started.
'Wouldn't mind! There is nothing I would like to do more.' Bhishma roared.
Then Bhishma revealed that he had always wanted to be the king. But he wasn't just able to bring himself to say it because of the vows and all that nonsense. But now that the dynasty was out of sons he thought that his opportunity had finally come.

'Opportunity is knocking at my door. I can feel it! I just have to wait a little before grabbing it.' Bhishma said.
'But why the wait?'
'I told you! It's my honour. I don't want to spoil my reputation by looking to be in a hurry.'

Meanwhile Sathyavathy was having her own problems. She knew that Bhishma belonged to old school which talked about honour, tradition and stuff like that but eventually turned around. Her problem was she did not know whether he was trustable.
'Sure he gives respect to me now and calls me mother! But what if he changes after he becomes king.' She asked herself. But she knew in her heart that there was no alternative. She paced to and fro in her room praying fervently to God to show her a better option.

Suddenly there was a flash in the room and a jet black gypsy appeared in the room.
'Who are you? How did you come into a locked room?' Sathyavathy asked in fear.
'I can go anywhere.'
'Are you.. are you GOD?'
'I am Ved vyas, the author.'
'What?'
'Do you know Deus ex machina? It is a literary term.'
'Well, I didn't become queen because I was the brightest in school.'
'Do you think the evil Mom in law can have a change of heart in the last minute of last episode of a mega serial?'
'No way! Only GOD can help her. They just want to finish the serial. That's all.'
'Yeah! That is Dues... crap. An act of God to solve the problems and finish the story.'
'So you are the dues.. douchebag. Is this the end of MahaBharath?'
'No! I am the anti douchebag. MahaBharath starts now.'
'I don't understand this.'
'You see! If Bhishma becomes the king then there is no MahaBharath, no book contract, no reheating.'
'But how will you stop Bhishma?'
'I will follow the advice you gave. I will give offsprings to Ambika and Ambalika.'
'You can't. It is not proper. You are not related to Vichitravirya.'
'Haven't you heard of flashback? A tool of Deus ex machina?' Ved vyas waved her hand in front of sathyavathy.
'But what will happen to Bhsihma?' She said as she fainted.

So ved vyas fixed the story. Sathyavathy, the sweetest smelling women, was born as a women who emanated horrendous odour. Parasar, a great sage took her. She gave birth to Ved vyas without loosing virginity and gaining a sweet smell in that process. (I know! I know! I am just retelling the story here.)

And Ved vyas took Ambika to give birth to blind king Dridarashtra (She had closed her eyes in fear when jet black Ved vyas appeared)
He took Ambalika to give birth to pale king Pandu (She had gone pale in fear on seeing Ved vyas)
As satyavathy wanted a blemishless son, she used the Buy two Get one free offer to send Ambika again to Ved vyas. But Ambika substituted her maid who begot a blemishless son called Vithur.

And the psychiatrist helped Bhishma to grow from an angry youg man to a bitter, cynical old man.
'You know what they tell about opportunity knocking the door, right?' The psychiatrist asked.
'It knocked to say that it had gone to the next room as that door was open. How many time will you tell that to me?' Bhisma replied.

From Mahabharat

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