Agneepath - Movie review. Not really!

Twentytwo years back I had a near death experience. My friend asked, "Do you want to go to agneepath?"
Back then my hindi vocabulary consisted of just three words - kintu, parantu and pitamah. I didn't know the meaning of the last word. But I knew that was the most used hindi word - that is after kintu and parantu. But I was sorely tempted. The alternative involved spending time with rigid bodies, point masses and Newton's laws - all fictional entities. I had been preparing for IIT JEE for three months, a time period long enough to finish physics syllabus twice if Newton had not been born.
"Can't. I have to study non-stop. For like next two years!" I chose hell to painful death.

But funny thing in life is what goes around comes around.
Last night my wife put a 'Made of right hand' gun to my head and said, 'Let's go to Agneepath.'
'What is agneepath?' My kid asked.
'It is a movie.' my wife said.
'good movie?' My kid wanted to know.
'Hrithik roshan is there.'
'Does fighting come?'
'Lots' my wife said.
'Take this.' My kid offered his gun to her. It had 'Made in Cina' printed on it.
'One of these days chinese are going to master English too and we will have no place to hide.' I observed.
My kid picked four more guns from his toy collection that consisted of guns, cars, more guns and more cars. He gave one to my wife and one to me. I had five guns pointed at my head.

'Let's go to agneepath.' My wife said and my kid repeated.
I couldn't come up with any reason against it. My hindi has improved considerably after my four years of college in north India. I had even finished with distinction the hindi courses mandatory in college - 'Male and female genital parts' and 'Improbable and Impossible mother-son and father-daughter relationships'.
And the alternative to going to movie was just candle light dinner, wine and night of passion - all fictional entities.
'Why not? Let's pay hard earned money and get our senses assualted.' I said.
'I want pop corn too.' my kid said.

Agneepath, if you don't know already, is a remake of the cult (a synonym for commercial failure) movie of the same name by the same production company. I don't want to name the company. But in all their movies a tune that is laden with thick syrupy sentimental shit comes at least once. The tune goes like

laah la laaah la laalaah, laah la laaah la laalaah, lalalAAAAAAAAARGH!

Usually the audience complete the tune with 'kuch kuch hota hai' while they are running to the nearest toilet.

Before the movie starts, they put a slide saying this is an attempt at adapting the cult movie for the modern times. It is a good thing. Because instead of a sixty plus Amitabh bachchan in an attire that reminds eighties, we have Hrithik roshan clad in the fashion labels that is making waves now.

'Doesn't Hrithik look like an Italian model?' My wife asks me.
'When have you seen an Italian model?' I ask.
'Why? Do you think you alone can watch ftv?' my wife asks.
I make a mental note to vote in the next election for BJP or any other party that has banning ftv in their agenda.
'Look! everybody wears and talks like they are in a slum in mumbai. But for Hrithik who comes in stitched to fit jeans.' I tell my wife.
'I will see even if he doesn't wear anything and doesn't talk a word.' She says.
I am not good at understanding women, being married for just ten years . But I definitely think Hrithik to women is like Aishwarya Rai is to men.

After a long time into the movie there is a pelvic thrust sequence also known as item number by Katrina kaif. People in the front row whistle and clapp. I look at those young blood and sigh. Nowadays pelvic thrusts just remind me of back ache and spinal injury. Maybe I am getting old. I remember those wild days when item numbers meant something totally different to me - simple harmonic motion. 'What is the formula for calculating the time period of an oscillation', I try hard to think as the theater is immersed in the din of whistles and hoots. As they say, it is OK if you are a geek or old but if you are an old geek life is a lot like getting caught in arctic circle in peak winter during a snow storm.

I know I have not said anything about the movie itself in this post. So here it is...

The movie keeps you interested till the intermission. But once you get the pop corn and pepsi, there is nothing much to look forward to.