The Waiting Game ...

Sometimes I find myself waiting.  Take the other day for example, I was wandering around the Chiang Rai Mall as I call it, waiting for my wife who was having a treatment at a popular skin clinic.  I dare say my wife spends far less time waiting on me than I do on her.  That is a good thing I suppose, as I am much better at waiting than she is.

Now we all have our own little ways of coping with the wait.  Some read a book, or a newspaper, listen to music on their iPod, play games, use Facebook or chat on their iPhone.  In Thailand another option comes to mind as one can always find a foot massage or Thai massage, even in a mall.  I prefer to get lost in my own thoughts.  Sure I can’t help but notice what is going on around me and I can read volumes in the faces and interactions that unfold in social settings.  Still the main focus of my attention is inward.

I guess you could say I am no longer at a time in my life where I seek to read, absorb or explore the thoughts of others.  This is a time to form, explore and record my own thoughts and ideas.  For some there is no higher goal than to follow someone else.  Granted there were times in my past when I was taken somewhere I may not have discovered on my own. 

I was shown a door or two I hadn’t previously known existed but I walked through them on my own.  The idea of the modern GPS unit barking out detailed commands that keep me on a narrow path, guiding me to an unwavering destination, I find frightening.  An occasional wrong turn is what keeps life fresh and surprising. 

Some strive to build a life resembling a tower with one brick or accomplishment placed upon another reaching higher and higher.  As long as circumstances don’t cause it to come tumbling down, crushing us and perhaps others in the process, then one can claim to be the proud owner of that towering edifice. 

I imagine my own life to be more like a small stream following the contours of the earth as it meanders from its place of conception to its final resting place.  Will that will be a dry and desolate place or will I add a drop or two indistinguishable from the other drops that make up a more sizable body of water?  Most likely I will leave a faint path that will fade with time and eventually leave no mark at all.

Sometimes I ponder topics to write about and in the process of working through the ideas get to the end and realize I am not really all that interested in writing them down.  Before things would gnaw at me until I put it on the page.  Now it feels as though it is me who is gnawing on an idea trying to make something out of it.

Sometimes I find waiting is just another word for procrastination and putting off things we are afraid to do or just too lazy to do.  I was waiting for our pollution to get to an acceptable level so I could resume outdoor exercise.  At first the waiting was excruciating as my body ached to be outdoors.  After making the adjustment to being indoors and inactive it was hard to get started again when the weather changed.

Sometimes I suppose, waiting is the prudent thing to do.  Waiting for the light to turn green is clearly safer than the alternative.  Waiting for things to be just right, however, often leads to inertia and a wasted life spent dreaming of someday that never arrives.  I started writing this post thinking it was going to be about something different.  As I have waited for the main topic to come up the words have steadily crept down the page leaving me little room to expand on my original idea.

I thought I would be writing today about something more Thai in focus or dealing with my relationship to Thailand but I find that harder to do the longer I live here and the longer I pen this blog.  While other bloggers might focus on the minutia of all things uniquely and strangely Thai, I find that Thailand is simply the backdrop for my life and not the focus of it.

So now I am thinking perhaps I should wait for another day to ponder the Thainess of my blog.  After all I am good at waiting and perhaps by waiting I can find better words with which to express myself on what might be a fuzzy subject.