Who is laughing now?

I am a voracious reader. Two policies of mine, when it comes to reading, are -
1)Any book I can lay my hands on, I pick up to read.
2)I never abandon a book that I have picked, half way through. Never.
Once I read through a thousand page book, even though I knew the ending just after two pages in. That's when I decided, I never gonna pick up a dictionary again to read.

The one thing I hate more than a dictionary is self help books. There is not one good self help book in this whole world. Trust me, I have read all of them. As far as I am concerned, the best self help book is the one with the fewest pages.

I love writing too. But I am good at coding. So I write code, mostly. But I have always wanted to write, write like John Grisham. I did too, write like him, for about six months. But then his publisher found out and sued me. I think that if you want to write like somebody, you are better off choosing Leo Tolstoy or Salman Rushdie. No one might read you. But you will never get caught either.

Once, I joined a creative writing class. The instructor's name was Shweta. She had written couple of novels. But she was more popular for her news paper columns. She was an extremely gifted columnist. She could write a poignant account, in three hundred words or less, of the harassment women face in public buses within the half an hour it takes her to commute to the office in the back seat of her Chauffeur driven AC car. She was a fake.

Shweta looked like the girl next door, the ultimate dream of every married man.
"If you want to lead well, you have to follow first. If you want to write well, you should read first." She said the first day.
"I want to act well in porn movies." All the men in the class said immediately.

After writing in this blog for couple of years, I have decided I want to write a book. I want to write a humor novel and laugh at the people who bought it. But writing a blog post is very different from writing a book. You see, a post is all about three hundred words and six funny one liners. Even the four seplling errors and dozen grammatical mistakes are a bonus. But a book is different. You need a plot, characters and lot and lots of words. Writing a sixty thousand word novel is hard, very hard. You have to write like, hundred thousand words. The continuous cycle of writing, deleting... Ufff. But I am optimistic. I have a plan, a plan to bloat up the word count, a plan that no one has thought about yet. I will increase the font size.

The setting for my novel is a fictitious country called A.S.U. They outsource any task that is possible to outsource. They import all goods - from fluffy cotton pillows to heavy Iron dumbbells. The only thing they do themselves is write and read... self help books. Now, all I need is a plot.

Two months into my endeavor of writing a novel, I am trudging along. Often I fail to meet my daily quota of five hundred words a day.But I say to myself, "Some days, it is about quantity. Some days, it is about quality."

But the truth is, most of the days, it is just about green tea.
From Funny Side Of Life