Showing posts with label Mall. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mall. Show all posts

Men, Women and Weekends

Men and women are not all that different, you know! Yes, I have read 'Men are from Mars and Women are From Venus'. And its sequel 'Men can read Maps upside down but women can't spell maps' too. But give me a break! Isn't Mars and Venus the closest non adjacent planets in solar system? And the distance between them is not high really, especially when you express it in light years.

My point is, men and women are superfluously different in some fundamental ways and this whole Mars and Venus thing is just a big misunderstanding. For instance, let's take the example of ...hmm..well off the top of my head..hmm.. weekends.


When GOD called Adam and Eve and told them about this weekend concept and how it is different from a weekday, Adam is supposed to have said, "Father, Ye who watcheth us from the heavens above and the earth below.." and GOD interjected and said "Will you cut to the chase, son? I have got the whole universe to make in a week. Plus I need to plant some evidences for evolution as well."
So Adam did cut to the chase and said, "All days are created equal."

Later day Evolutionary advocates point to this very dialog of Adam as strongest argument for evolution. They say that someone who cannot understand weekdays and weekends cannot be a human being but only a very primitive form of life. Surely we could have only evolved gradually from that life form to the modern day human beings who know that it is the difference between weekdays and weekends that cause the earth to rotate, life to flourish, they argue. But of course, the opposition camp says that GOD's first act of 'planting evidence' was making Adam talk that way!

Anyway, after Adam got into his head what this weekend thing is the conversation went something like below.

GOD: So, ye who went far and wide and hunted animals during weekdays, shall take rest on weekends. On sunday, you will have SABBATH.
Adam: On Saturday?
GOD: You shall have hmm... KARABATH.

(Man grunted but agreed immediately for the GOD was not only the kindest and fairest but also the angriest. Then came Eve's turn before the GOD.)

GOD: So, ye who cooked, swept and waited for Adam shall take rest with him on weekends. You shall be in the cave with Adam...
(Eve coughs gently.)
GOD: Ye wish to speak, my daughter?
Eve: Father! Just as Adam who wandered far and wide stays in cave during weekend, is it not fair that I who remained in cave during weekdays work outside during weekends?
GOD: (Slightly angry.) You want to do gardening?
Eve: You got to be kidding.

(Theologians differ on the point whether GOD flew into rage because he did not understand Eve's phrase or precisely because He understood her phrase. But for us, what matters is, he flew into rage.)

GOD: Ye who is but the rib of Adam wanteth to be like Adam. So shall ye be in the weekends. Ye shall go farther and wider in hunt of the prey, but all in vain. The prey you catcheth shall bleed you twiceth the blood it shedeth. (And now he turns to Adam.) Ye who did not stop Eve from talking against me shall suffer and suffer more for she shall not know that she is suffering but ye will wallow in your suffering.
And this is the story of eternal damnation of weekends! See how it plays out even in modern times.

During weekends, Men like to do all the household duties like testing the stiffness of the bed, emptying of fridge, stress test of the remote. But women! They just can't wait to go on a 'hunting expedition' to the farthest mall to check out and not buy all those different kinds of things they would like to check out and not buy. They travel farthest and widest in these hunts. They start their assault on the mall in the northern limits by going on a reconnaissance trip (also called as comparative shopping in modern days) towards western limits and then perform a feint attack by going towards Eastern outskirts (also called as change of mind nowadays) and finally descend on the target in the north.

But as GOD cursed their quest ends in a total failure all the time. Either they don't get what they want after all that effort or their 'hunted animal' bleeds them a lot of money to just end up in the in the dungeon in their house. But GOD was true to his words. Women do not understand their suffering but consider these expeditions as pleasure for GOD who watcheth from yada yada yada has wired their brain so. As to Men, he drives women in these hunting expeditions all across the city and thus wallow in the suffering as GOD cursed him.

As you see, Men and women are not very different when it comes to weekends. They are just pawns in the game played by GOD.

What? you want to know why women is obsessed with mirrors! Why women jump from wall to wall to wall to see photos of complete strangers in facebook? Well, when GOD called Adam and Eve...

Hold On! I will save some of my stories for the book deal I will eventually get. What say you?