Showing posts with label Self Help. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self Help. Show all posts

Who is laughing now?

I am a voracious reader. Two policies of mine, when it comes to reading, are -
1)Any book I can lay my hands on, I pick up to read.
2)I never abandon a book that I have picked, half way through. Never.
Once I read through a thousand page book, even though I knew the ending just after two pages in. That's when I decided, I never gonna pick up a dictionary again to read.

The one thing I hate more than a dictionary is self help books. There is not one good self help book in this whole world. Trust me, I have read all of them. As far as I am concerned, the best self help book is the one with the fewest pages.

I love writing too. But I am good at coding. So I write code, mostly. But I have always wanted to write, write like John Grisham. I did too, write like him, for about six months. But then his publisher found out and sued me. I think that if you want to write like somebody, you are better off choosing Leo Tolstoy or Salman Rushdie. No one might read you. But you will never get caught either.

Once, I joined a creative writing class. The instructor's name was Shweta. She had written couple of novels. But she was more popular for her news paper columns. She was an extremely gifted columnist. She could write a poignant account, in three hundred words or less, of the harassment women face in public buses within the half an hour it takes her to commute to the office in the back seat of her Chauffeur driven AC car. She was a fake.

Shweta looked like the girl next door, the ultimate dream of every married man.
"If you want to lead well, you have to follow first. If you want to write well, you should read first." She said the first day.
"I want to act well in porn movies." All the men in the class said immediately.

After writing in this blog for couple of years, I have decided I want to write a book. I want to write a humor novel and laugh at the people who bought it. But writing a blog post is very different from writing a book. You see, a post is all about three hundred words and six funny one liners. Even the four seplling errors and dozen grammatical mistakes are a bonus. But a book is different. You need a plot, characters and lot and lots of words. Writing a sixty thousand word novel is hard, very hard. You have to write like, hundred thousand words. The continuous cycle of writing, deleting... Ufff. But I am optimistic. I have a plan, a plan to bloat up the word count, a plan that no one has thought about yet. I will increase the font size.

The setting for my novel is a fictitious country called A.S.U. They outsource any task that is possible to outsource. They import all goods - from fluffy cotton pillows to heavy Iron dumbbells. The only thing they do themselves is write and read... self help books. Now, all I need is a plot.

Two months into my endeavor of writing a novel, I am trudging along. Often I fail to meet my daily quota of five hundred words a day.But I say to myself, "Some days, it is about quantity. Some days, it is about quality."

But the truth is, most of the days, it is just about green tea.
From Funny Side Of Life

The business of Self Help

This is little late. But for those booksnails, Harsha Bogle has come out with a new book on self improvment - 'Winning Ways'.
That's one more book I need to get hold of to figure out what am I lacking.

But if you want somebody to analyse successful people and tell you the secrets, Harsha Bogle is the guy. If you have heard of his commentary you will know what I am talking about.

James Anderson thuds one short. Sachin squares up... On the pads. Huge appeal from Andersen. Billy is still considering. Did it pitch in line with the stumps? Did it hit in line? Did it bounce too high? Did it swing too much? Was there an edge? So many things to consider and so little time. Billy, what is your answer going to be? What are you thinking?

Billy: I think I am hungry.

No doubts about it. If you want to find the winning ways, get Harsha Bogle on board. But he will not be the best help if you are already sinking.

Harsha: Is the boat going down too fast? Or is the water coming up too fast? Should we send an SOS flare? Or should we jump into the sea? Or should we try to block the leak? So many things to consider and so little time. What are you thinking? What is that funny noise you are making?

You: Har(Blup.. Blup)sha! He(gulp.. Blup)lppp me! I am drowning and I don't know swi(Blup.. gulp)mming. Gulp gulp..

The first self help book I came across went something like.. seven effective habits of people or seven habits of effective people. I am always confused about its title. But I was impressed by that book! Really really impressed! That's when the authour went for another round of self help. He came out with another book - Eighth effective habit. Guess he wanted to make some more money. That's the problem with self help books. You don't know who the word 'self' refers to - the author or You.

So there is this standard scene they ask you to picturise in all the self help books - imagining yourself dead. The books then ask you to think what you would want your near and dear ones to say about you, about your life. I was really impressed by the underlying thought when I read the first time. It really stumped me. I mean, 'what you DON'T want them to say?' is a pretty easy question to answer.

The answer would be, 'We never knew that the doctor had a fake degree!'

But the question to ponder is 'What do you want your near and dear ones to say at your funeral?'
It is a very tricky question. The underlying idea behind the question is this. It asks you to think what you want your near ones to tell when you are dead. And then lead a life such that they would tell exactly that when you are dead.

Powerful, right?
Self help books are full of such emotional blackmail. The book is kinda saying, 'Don't worry about what others are saying when you live. But think what they will say once you are dead.'

No wonder, these books are popular and the authors go for second helping.

Note: These are the personal opinions of this individual post and not the official opinion of the author.

Quote of the Day
Everybody says 'Follow your Passion'. If it is my passion why did it get ahead of me in the first place?

From Funny Side Of Life